I’ve been feeling like I wanted to share about my little personal journey with worship through song and music. To a lot of you it might be seeming kind of random and unexpected to hear about so I just wanted to talk about the why behind the what if you will 
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Ever since I was little, I have always had a desire to sing and play an instrument. When I was a teenager, that desire was really growing in my heart, in a way that I think only the Lord could really know and apprehend. After I gave my life to Christ that desire stayed there and increased as it was now geared towards Who I was made to worship. But…I kept it a secret. Honestly, I was just really self conscious about my voice and what I sounded like. To me, if I didn’t sound good I didn’t want to like, put people through having to listen to something that bothered them. Yup, I know, not of God. Instrument wise, I would just kinda do my own thing with the Lord with a piano we had in our house, playing mostly by ear and chords to worship songs. I started watching the IHOP-KC webstream when I was 16 and with that I would just kinda join in with the worship teams there. I kind of attribute the IHOP-KC webstream to almost training me up in that stuff actually. Just through having it on I couldn’t help but join in and I slowly began to realize how much I loved joining worship with intercession and encountering the Lord in the place of song.
For a while though it was still a secret that I just kept hidden in my heart. In the past couple years I’ve even had some pretty significant and powerful encounters with the Lord regarding being a worshipper and prophetic singer/musician. But even after I had those though, I mean I didn’t like doubt that it would come to pass, probably a little but I just had this feeling like, “How in the world is that gonna come about? I don’t sing and I don’t really know an instrument.” So I just kept them in my heart. In the mean time I had one simple little prayer that I said many times to the Lord regarding my desire to worship Him through song and music. It almost always came out when I was working at Old Navy. Like you all know, you go into any store nowadays and what to you hear? Music. And of course Old Navy was no different. And when you’re working long hours there, you become pretty acquainted with that reality. As I would fold clothes and would hear the music that was playing and what not, all those years I was there I would constantly tell the Lord something like, “If You give me a voice and help me play an instrument, I will sing only for You.” I was actually pretty frustrated that I was listening to musicians and artists that had this amazing talent but they were singing about things that were no bueno. It bothered me that here I am with the desire to worship but I can’t and there are those who have the gift and talent and aren’t using it for the Lord. I’m aware that these statements sound pretty intense. I don’t mean them now to come across judgmental or what, but I’m just being honest about where my heart was and what was stirring inside of me. And the reason I share this is because the Lord answered that prayer. The past couple months as I’ve just been blown away at what the Lord has enabled me to step into regarding song and music, the Lord’s reminded me of that prayer several times. In moments where I’m like, “Lord, how in the world did this happen like, all the sudden?” Just in awe of the Lord’s work in my life with this, He brings me right back to that prayer as if to tell me that He remembers and He took me seriously.
Before I go on about my heart behind this a little more, I just wanted to give a thank you shout out to all of the people who have believed in me with this and called me out in it. I really can’t express how grateful I am to the Lord to have people like you around me who love me and want to call me forth into my destiny in God. For leading me, challenging me, supporting me when it’s hard, and even just honoring me in little ways like telling me that I had a good voice, the Lord has and continues to use it all to just speak His life into this area of my heart. I think of this verse from the famous “love” chapter in 1 Corinthians 13. In verse 7 in the Amplified Bible it says, “Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, and is ever ready to believe the best of every person.” I love that so much and I can definitely say that I’ve been surrounded by that love in more ways than I can probably recognize.
So where to now with all this? I …don’t really know lol. I will say that more and more I’m discovering how this really is part of my destiny in God. And I feel like it might be in a way that’s bigger than anything I could imagine. I’m not saying I’m gonna be a rock star lol just that it’s amazing to me now to see how far the Lord has brought me into this, how He took something that was just kinda there and dormant and is breathing life into this so I know whatever comes will just continue to cause me to praise Him for His work in me. I can say that a big part of my heart, and this is no surprise to those of you who know me, is house of prayer/harp and bowl stuff. The main motivation behind all I do with this stuff is to give Jesus the glory He’s due. I want that new song from the throne that ascribes worth and devotion to the Lamb. It’s what I want my my heart to burn for at the core of everything I do. I want to sing of how beautiful and amazing He is for all of my days. I want my song to forever be a song of love. If the Song of Solomon is the “song of all songs,” I want the songs that come outta me to be from that same place of love, the theme of everything in my life and every song that I sing.
I’m still at the very beginning of all this so I’m really excited to encounter the Lord through this whole journey. It is scary for me at times, but I’m working on that with the Lord. I guess it’s just the uncertainty of uncharted waters ya know? So this area just serves as another vein for me to learn how to lean on my Beloved a little bit more so it sounds about right .
“I will sing of the LORD’s great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations. I will declare that Your love stands firm forever, that you established Your faithfulness in heaven itself.” (Psalm 89:1-2)
